Monday, March 28, 2011

Reality Check

I’m pretty sure that just about every time I post about how things are going well, my baby’s sleeping, life is good, yadayadayada, I should expect that within a day or so I will want to eat my words!  Ha!  Actually, I’m not really laughing over here.  It has been a rough couple of days. 

I would like to think that at this point, we are beginning to find our stride with two children, but alas, I feel very far from that right now.  For some unfortunate reason, my dear daughter has decided to make long naps a thing of the past—now, I am lucky to get an hour out of her.  And a nap at the same time as her brother?  Forget about it.  I’m also just generally frustrated that it seems my children must ultimately cry to go to sleep.  I would just like to ask why that must be so?  I mean, I don’t feel like that’s the case for everyone, right? 

I find myself so torn between different baby/sleep-rearing schools of thought.  On the one hand, I’ve found that I seem to be more “attachment”-minded this go round.  I love having Holland near, I enjoyed co-sleeping for the first couple of months (and the times when we still do it now), and philosophically, I don’t feel nearly as sure that crying it out is ok for babies (especially when they’re brand new).  On the other hand, I do believe that it’s my job to help Holland learn to sleep well, and I think there’s value in her learning to soothe herself.  While I’m not proud of the fact that I let Wade cry himself to sleep when he was but a month old, he is now an excellent sleeper who has maybe woken up in the night two or three times within the past year!  Granted, I don’t think crying it out that young had much of an effect on his sleep now (b/c he continued to cry himself to sleep until he was about 18 months old…), but I still think he has really healthy sleep habits now, and I want that for Holland too. 

Anyway, I’m clearly rambling, but I do just feel so conflicted.  When, really, I just want what’s best for my babies!   Holland sleeps in her crib now, but getting up twice at night to feed her in a #$%! rocking chair has left me exhausted.  I think this is partly my fault for going to bed so late…I’m a night owl, so by the time I’m ready for bed, it’s nearly time for her first wake up, so what’s the point in going to sleep?!  Short daytime naps that don’t occur when Wade’s sleeping leave little room for mama to snooze during the day. 

And speaking of Wade, please allow me a little pity party for myself and let me tell you what a bad mother I feel like I have been to this boy in my sleep-deprived, busy-with-an-infant state.   This dear boy (who actually hasn’t been acting too “dear” these past few days, but that’s another sob story…) spends much of his time playing independently, and I know he’d like my company.  But when Holland goes down for a nap, I feel I must seize upon the opportunity to shower.  And before I know it, she is up needing to eat.  I hate that he seems so bored and just asks to watch videos all the time.  I have major mama guilt whenever he’s watching tv.  The voice in my head just tells me that if I were a better mother--more creative, energetic, then my child would not be sitting in front of the tv.  You should see how desperately Wade waited for his daddy to get home today.  I’m pretty sure he’d given up on me.  I was trying  to prepare dinner while wearing a dozing baby who really needed to sleep finally, and so I had nothing to give my boy.  Ugh.  How do people do it?  (Seasoned mamas feel free to chime in!)

Alright, sorry for being such a debbie downer, but I feel I must keep it real around here.  I just can’t have anyone reading this blog walking away thinking those Worthingtons have got it all together!  It is days like today that I am reminded of what a gift it is that God loves me and deems me beautiful to Him in spite of what a lame job I might be doing as a mother/wife/friend/etc. 

Ok, enough words.  I know  many of you come here for the pictures of my babes.  And while life has been tough lately, there have been many fun times as well.   So I will share some snapshots of life around here over the past week or so.

We had a couple really warm days, so we broke out the new sand and water table that Wade’s Grammy and PopPop gave him for his birthday.  Wade really enjoyed scooping and dumping sand and water back and forth from side to side.  I bet we’re going to spend quite a bit of time with this once it’s consistently warm out.


Holland got carried around with the {clean} diapers in the laundry basket.  Hey, a women’s got to multi-task!


Though, it seems I can’t blame this on having multiple children, because it looks like I pulled the same move on Wade when he was just a wee one…


{My little guy was just over two months old here!}

We had a little incident with some rasberry jam…the jar fell to the ground in such a way that its contents jolted out with great force.  So much force that I found jam on the ceiling!  So, what do you do if you are the mother and it is your job to handle situations such as this?  Why, you take pictures of course!

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{do you spy the spot of jam in the above photo?!}

And then your child runs away and tries to hide from you because he thinks you’re acting crazy (you are)…


We tried a little finger painting activity (in the basement)…Wade preferred dumping the paint in the water over actually using it on the paper. 

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Mom came to visit and some of our neighborhood pals joined us for a pleasant afternoon in our front yard.

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Hey, it’s VannyB and sweet little Taylor, both born within weeks of Miss Thang :)


Holland tried to decide whether she wanted to snack on Sophie(thanks Katie!!)


while Mama worked on baking cupcakes…


And then today, this is the face I got to enjoy looking up at me while I worked on dinner.  Thank you, Lord, for moments like this.



  1. hi! i meant to call you tonight, and ak was up a ton coughing and not wanting to lay flat. i am sorry . . . let's chat soon. and, as for your post, let me say this: you are not alone. with the sleepless children, with the feeding babies in the night and feeling exhausted, with not knowing how to best teach them to sleep (or do anything else, for that matter), with the tv/independent playing overdose, with the jam on your floor . . . you are so not alone. Jesus is with you, and well, so am I . . . (and surely there are others, too.) :) xo & talk soon!

  2. oh my goodness! She looks like Wade in that last photo!!!
    And I totally understand. Anne, my house is a wreck, dinner is always thrown together (or Jay makes it) and we are usually eating at 7:30 (with Sam NOT asleep and cranky because he should have eaten two hours ago!). Ailey thinks that naps should be short and that when Sam is napping she and mommy should be spending some quality one on one time together. She is also up several times a night, but... that's really not bothering me. It's the EARLY mornings that my children seem to love that bothers me (the past two days Sam has thought 4 am would be a great time to wake up!!!!).
    Let's hang out and commiserate and encourage each other. I am terrible about actually getting us together. Sorry!!!

  3. Go with your gut! It will work itself out! I was so worried I was going to be co-sleeping with a 5 year old! I just could not wrap my head around the 'cry it out' method and still can't! Anna is almost 15 months, goes to bed like a champ every night at seven and sleeps though the night, every night! good luck!

  4. I feel too tired to form complete thoughts, some I'm going with bullets...

    1. Never ever ever tell people how well your baby is sleeping. They will turn you into a liar every time.

    2. Last week Abram was helping me put away groceries and dropped and broke an entire bottle of olive oil. Ellie came over to see what all the hubbub was about and tracked olive oil all over the house. That much olive oil is very hard to clean up. Happily, we now have nicely moisterized feet.

    3. I love the book "The Wonder Weeks". It talks about cognitive development leaps and how they suddenly turn your baby into a clingy, fussy, non-sleeping mess. I think there is one of these leaps at four months...

    4. Give yourself some slack on finding your stride when caring for a two-year-old and a young infant (two of the more impossible creatures in creation).

    5. TV doesn't make you a bad mom. Especially if it's just to help you through a rough patch. Also, I think learning to play by himself is a good skill.

  5. We are having a very similar day/week/month/year! I threw a major temper tantrum this morning and was fairly certain Daniel was going to have Child Protective Services come check on me to make sure the girls were okay. Sleep deprivation is a killer. I have no advice to offer. As soon as I think I have a grip on something, the girls come up with a meticulous plan to humble me!

  6. Ugh, no sleep will make any woman feel/go crazy. There are numerous mornings when I wake up and ask Justin if I was nice to him during the night. I tend to be quite the jerk in the middle of the night when we try and have a conversation about why the baby (and the toddler) are waking up constantly. I am no good at all without sleep. My only trick is this, I do put Zoe (6 months now) in the swing for naptime when Sophia naps. I swaddle her arms and stick her in there so she'll sleep while Sophia does. And then I lay down next to the swing in the dark and sleep. If Zoe wakes up I give the swing a little extra pushes and it rocks her back to sleep. We'll transition out of this eventually, but it works now (most of the time).Hang in there, you're doing a great job and it is tough stuff taking care of little ones. Whew.

  7. Anne - I just love your realness. After having just 3 weeks with 2 babies in our house I feel the exact same guilt with how much more TV Connor is watching and how much he longs for his daddy to come home so he has someone to play with. You are a wonderful mama, keep up the good work! And of course I do love the pictures of your sweet ones. Miss you all!


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