Holland Elizabeth’s Birth Story, Part III (the final installment!)

**I realize I’m a tad behind the deadline I gave myself for posting this—so sorry!  Also, I have two disclaimers about this post: 1. It’s long.  You might want to grab a cup of coffee for this one.  2.  Consider yourself warned that this post contains fairly candid birth-related terminology and photos.  Some of the reason for this is that I happen to feel pretty passionately about the natural process and I enjoy sharing my journey with you.  I hope my story can encourage you in some way!

If you missed Part I, find it here.  Part II is here.

Well, after taking a few moments to think through what lie ahead of me, I gathered myself and decided I was ready to do this thing.  Nancy worked on preparing all of her supplies in our bedroom, and Philip and I headed downstairs to walk around.  We hung out and listened to music, and whenever I had a contraction, I did this:

{Thanks to the idea from another sweet new mama’s birth story, I chose to put this bikini top on early in labor.  This was a great idea—not only did it keep me comfortable, but it kept these pictures PG! }

I loved this position that Nancy suggested I use.  It felt so much better to me than lying down; it felt as if I could ride the contractions out, instead of just laying on the bed and having them happen to me.  They felt so much more manageable, and I felt as if I could really control how I handled them, if that makes sense.   

During this time, Nancy joined us and the three of us hung out in our dining room.  Having 35 years of experience birthing babies teaches you many things, not the least of which is that pictures during labor are treasured.  I love how she captured so many special moments.

I continued to labor downstairs until Nancy recommended I walk the steps to help move labor along.  She said that this would definitely help the contractions intensify (great, right?  sign me up…)  I was looking forward to getting in the birth tub, but Nancy wisely recommended I wait until I really needed the pain relief, as getting in too early could cause labor to stall or slow down.  {I truly stand amazed at this woman who helped me birth my baby.  It is unbelievable to me how well she knows labor.  She was spot on with every one of her suggestions and predictions as to how labor would go.}

I began to walk the steps, and sure enough,  the contractions began to get quite hard.  At first I would keep walking through each contraction, closing my eyes, but holding onto the railing, trying to be careful not to knock our pictures off the wall as I went Then, as they really intensified I’d have to stop and bend over to hold onto the steps to get through them.  I remember looking at Nancy after a pretty tough one and her telling me that “ten (or was it twenty, my memory is fuzzy here) more like that and I think you’ll have this baby!”  I remember looking to her a little later and telling her I was sure I’d had that many by now! 

Nancy had said that when it was time for me to get in the tub, I would know.  And I did.  A couple of really hard contractions on the steps and I wanted in.  And boy, did it feel good.  There really is no way to compare the experience of going through the hardest part of labor in a warm tub in your bedroom vs. the backseat of your car while you race to the hospital!  I can say that my (dilating/stage 1) contractions in that tub never got to the point where I felt I could not go on (not that I had a choice!).  During my labor with Wade, things got really hard and they felt chaotic.  This never felt chaotic.  Don’t get me wrong, I certainly wasn’t smiling through them, and there were definitely a few contractions where I distinctly remember shaking my head as if to say “No! Make it stop!”  When I noticed that I was getting quite a long break between a contraction, I asked Nancy why that might be.  She told me it was because the next one was going to be a real doozy.  Lovely. 

The breathing I used this time really helped so much.  I used what Nancy called “horse lips” style breathing, where you basically blow out with your lips closed, but loose and relaxed.  This worked great because it gave me something to “do”—I was focused on the task of breathing/moaning that way with each contraction.  It was also beneficial because it prevented me from being tense during a contraction, and it provided me a vehicle for releasing all the tension. 

The one point in my labor where I felt truly overwhelmed by the pain was right when I transitioned to pushing.  I felt this strong, very rectal contraction come over me, and all I wanted was to escape it.  I personally feel that the term “urge to push” is a bit of a misnomer.  I had no choice but to allow this incredible sensation to wash over me.  I remember thinking, “woah!  I don’t remember pushing being this hard last time!”  I was set on not “scattering,” as Nancy coined the term for when fear takes over and your mind can’t handle what’s happening (and screaming often ensues…), but this did feel scary to me.   This was when I heard myself trail off with the words, “I can’t…”  Nancy and I had talked about how I really responded well to coaching (thank you, 13 years of competitive swimming!), and I will never forget hearing her tell me in the midst of all this hard, INCREDIBLY HARD work, that I “was winning.”  I loved that picture.  I continued the work of pushing contractions, breathing in the horse-lips style, followed by quick blows, as directed by Nancy (I had set an important goal of not tearing this time, and the blowing helped with this.)

Can you believe my husband was able to film the birth all the while I had no clue?!

I was greatly comforted by my midwife’s face in front of me and my husbands voice and arms on my shoulders, but even so, I distinctly remember literally calling out to Jesus to help me.  Nancy told me that He would help me, and He did.  Though I never could have told you how long I’d been in that tub (about 40 or so minutes I was later told) or how long I pushed, after a mere 14 minutes of pushing, my daughter emerged into the water at 1:39 am on November 12th.   All of the sudden, she was there with us!  I don’t even really remember pulling her up out of the water, but I did, and she quickly nestled on my chest with the water below us. 

Philip and I met our sweet girl with the song “This is my Father’s world” playing from Pandora in the background.  I pray that Holland would always know the truths the lyrics tell.  I love verse 3:

This is my Father’s world.

O let me ne’er forget,

that though the wrong seems oft so strong,

God is the ruler yet.

This is my Father’s world:

why should my heart be sad?

The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!

God reigns; let the earth be glad!

Eventually, we made our way out of the tub and onto the bed, and the three of us just lay there together.  Philip and I delighted in this time, as we marveled over this beautiful gift we’d been given.  Holland nursed some, I called my mom to tell her her first granddaughter was here (she hadn’t been able to sleep since we had called earlier in the evening to tell her my water had broken!)  Later, Nancy weighed and measured Holland (8 lbs even, 20 inches long—exactly the same as her brother!). 

Holland’s first outfit was the same one her brother wore home from the hospital. 

Later still, Holland dozed on her daddy’s chest while I enjoyed an herb bath prepared by Nancy.  The herb bath is a special treat Nancy provides where she adds a blend of herbs and spices to your bath water (in our tub, not the birthing tub) that are especially beneficial to a post-partum mama!   It was wonderful.  I realized I was really hungry at this point, so Nancy brought me a big bowl of multi-grain cheerios to eat in the tub I relaxed there for a while, grateful to God for his faithfulness yet again.   Not only had he given us another beautiful baby, but a beautiful birthing experience that I would forever cherish.  (Writing this, I’m finding that I miss Holland’s birth…I miss the anticipation, the intensity, the wonder, the excitement…)

Nancy left around 4 am (I think?) and we attempted sleep.  (But we had a beautiful newborn to enjoy with all the adrenaline birth brings, so not much sleep came!)  Wade woke up around 7 am (yes, he’d slept through all the night’s events, praise the Lord!), and Philip went to retrieve him.  We were blessed to be able to film him meeting his sister for the first time.  I had wondered so much about how this moment would be (and the many moments that would follow!), and it truly could not have been more wonderful.  We had been telling Wade that he was about to get a baby sister, but he really got it, in a way I never could have imagined.  He had this look of awe and wonder across his face, and there is no other way to put it:  he simply loved his sister from the moment he met her.  Thank you, Lord, for yet another gift. 

Can you see the look on my precious boy’s face? Oh, how this touches my heart!

The next couple hours and days were spent with family trickling in to visit the new wee one.  We spent most of our time snuggled up in our little nest.   Nancy came back the next day to check on us and we snapped this photo of all of us together.  What love and gratitude I have for this lady. 

That spotlight-looking thing in the top left corner is a “grow light” we borrowed from Nancy.  We used it to try and proactively fight off jaundice in those early days (it worked!).

I am eternally grateful to God for the experience of giving birth to my daughter, and especially thankful for the privilege of delivering her at home.  {For the record, being at home never felt strange or unsafe to me (or Philip).  Not once did we find ourselves thinking we should get to the hospital.  It truly felt completely normal and right to be just where we were.}  What an honor to bring forth life!  I know that I will always feel such love, warmth, and gratitude when I think back to that special day when Holland Elizabeth joined our family.