Three Months!

Holland, my sweet girl, I want to stop time.  You are growing too fast, already having lost the just-born, brand new look and traded it in for a chubby (yes!  I will fatten you up, child!), smiley one.  You actually turned three months old a little over a week ago, and even since then, you seem to have moved out of that “fourth trimester” period where you act as if you really kinda wish you were still in the womb. 

A few weeks ago, I could rarely put you down to sleep by yourself.  These days, you are consistently napping in your crib (granted, we’ve been putting you to sleep on your tummy for naps, so I think that has helped…), and I am really glad to report that we haven’t done any “crying it out.”  It seems to me that you just needed a little more time to get used to things before you were ready to sleep by yourself.  I actually really enjoy rocking and soothing you to sleep (when it works—ha!).  I love singing to you as I hold you, swaying.  I usually sing some combination of the following:  Amazing Grace, How Deep the Father’s Love for Us, Rock-a-bye Baby, and Jesus Loves You.  There is nothing like the feeling of your little body heavy on my shoulder, so calm and peaceful. 

This is unchartered territory for me, because I never did these things with your brother.   And from where I stand in my motherhood journey (and I know we all stand in different places when it comes to these kind of parenting choices), I missed out on a lot by not doing that with him.  This time around I’m feeling my way for myself (of course with the solicited advice from trusted friends!) instead of following rules out of a book.  I’m sure books have their place, but I’m really trying to lean more on Jesus and ask Him to help me lead you (and your brother).  I have found myself praying, “Lord, show me how to parent this baby.  Make me more like your Son because of this child,” (thank you, Maggie, for the reminder to pray in this way!) and even though I can go to a pretty low place when things aren’t going my way, I KNOW this is good fruit in my life. I never wanted to believe that because every child is different, they may require different parenting approaches.  But I do believe that now.  And this time around, I’m learning to make peace with the newborn pace—a pace that changes day to day, nap to nap.  I’m trying to combat my natural tendency to feel fearful, angry, anxious when I don’t know how to “fix” whatever the particular issue of the day is (operative word is of course, trying.)  I’ve decided that instead of putting you on a schedule, I’ll let you work yourself into the right routine for you (this is crazy for me to even see myself writing this; it’s so different than how I was with Wade!)*.  So far, it seems like you’re on your way. 

This month you laughed for the first time, and I can say that hearing your baby laugh has got to be one of life’s greatest joys.  I was changing your clothes on your changing table, and you let out a real belly laugh when I tickled you under your chin!  You’ve laughed a couple more times since then, and of course I’m constantly trying to tickle you to recreate that first episode You are talking more and more, and I just about melt when you let out those flirtatious little sounds!  You are really smiley too, which is just so fun.  When you’re not being held or nursed, your next favorite place is probably your bouncy seat.  You seem pretty intrigued by those bubbles, and I have to be honest, your daddy and I are pretty happy that we can put you down from time to time and keep you happy!  A couple days ago, we dusted off the exersaucer from the basement (it feels like it was just yesterday that humongous thing was happily occupied by your brother!) to see if you might give it a whirl.  You have a notably strong neck, and you just love to be able to look out at all the action, so we thought you might take an early liking to it.  You seemed to think it was ok.  I’m thinking it will probably grow on you as you’re able to interact with it more.  And speaking of your strength, it’s pretty clear you’re on a mission to sit up.  No kidding.  At only three months old, whenever we prop you up against a pillow, the sofa, etc, you try really hard to pull yourself to a sitting position!  It’s pretty crazy!  You also adore your hands, chewing on them in particular (as evidenced by the second photo below.)

 

{look at those eyes!  people are always commenting on how bright and blue they are, and I think these pictures capture their brilliance!}

While you take your naps in the crib (and as of this past Sunday, you’ll still nap in the Ergo!  Yes!  I would love it if you’d be able to sleep in both places—best of both worlds for me!), you still sleep right next to me at night.  Within the past week or so, you’ve shown us that you are ready for an earlier bedtime, so I lay down with you and nurse you to sleep on our bed.  Then I creep out of the room, hopeful that you’ll think I’m still there.  This might not be the most sustainable practice, but it’s working for us for now.  You’ve stretched for nearly seven hours one time at night, but that’s not really typical.  Usually, it’s more like 5+ hour stretches at night.  And I don’t know if our little co-sleeping arrangement has anything to do with this, but you are a tried and true mama’s girl these days.  Of course you love your daddy, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t warm my heart just a little that your fussiness can often be soothed by a cuddle with your mama. 

*I don’t intend to suggest that I think it’s wrong to put your child on a schedule.  I’ve realized that my natural tendency is to want schedule/order/control, and when I don’t get it, I am often angry and resentful.  I’ve learned that I need the moderating influence of a less scheduled approach to parenting to balance me out and help me grow in grace!  I hope that makes sense and doesn’t make anyone feel weird reading this if you are pro-schedule!  (check back with me in a month or so, who knows, maybe we’ll be working on a schedule   This is just where we are right now.)